It is a measurable part of our being that dictates to us who we are, what we can be and how widely we can dream. This part right now is telling me to focus! To spread my wings! To strive for success! However whether that is an essential part of my character really doesn’t matter because I’m still doin’ what I been doin’...
I’m having issues lately. Tearing my eyes away from Jersey Shore, keeping myself from uploading pictures on Facebook or just the general loafting for hours on end on the internet has been further distracting me from the task at hand. (Although learning random, sometimes useful factoids, like did you know that Chinese New Year is on Monday January 23rd, 2012, and we are entering the year of the black water Dragon? Where the Chinese New Year is dictated by a 5 pronged stem system that allocates yin/yang and 5 essential elements – metal, water, wood, fire and earth – to better understand the effects that are to be observed for that year?...see now you know!) All of this just helps my blog writing related anxiety worsen... (god damn my own impertinence for thinking that my self-indulgent time wasting (read: PROCRASTINATION) is more important than my own focused efforts at success!!)
So here I am, back at the grindstone and already thinking why did I stay away so long? It’s a miracle that I have the kind of access and privilege (however limited) that I do, and that I spend so much of my time wasting it... or at least frivolously letting it slip away.
No I am not a masochist nor can I say that I have a type A personality (although within that pop psychology reference you could argue that we all exhibit certain traits that align us with either personality type. Where type A personalities can be controlling, competitive and impatient and type B personalities are relaxed, patient and lacking a sense of urgency in some cases...you know who you are...thank you mindless web surfing ;) But I do have a certain anxiety ridden laissez-faire attitude. Let’s just say it’s a problem. Because like so many generation Y’ers I also have the need to make something of myself. Maybe not like the Generation X’ers before me with their rage against the machine or the Baby Boomers before them with their groovy hippy love and copious amounts of Ecstasy... I just want to make something of myself.
But as a good friend of mine keeps reminding me, it’s the journey that matters. And like another good friend of mine adds, remember high school? And that god-awful identity crisis? It’s gonna be kinda like that but hopefully better. And a bit more grounded in hands-on knowledge of how the world works.
So for now I’m gonna give myself a controlled break. Not so much that I lose it all and give up but just enough so that I keep toe-ing the line of sanity and satisfaction. Let’s call it a kit-kat break. Ya that’s what I’m doing...
Oh ya and by the way, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! In my celebration of the holidays with family and friends I neglected to wish you a safe and happy time with yours! Hopefully what my last post was talking about hasn’t happened to you, and all is well in this first month of 2012!
Xoxo - the Urban Hippie